Nostalgia and Tears
Oct 15, 2003
This may seem kinda odd next to my other post titled "I'm SOOOOOO Happy!", but I just had to post...
Mari posted a link to the old Red Ajah message boards. I went over and reread some of the posts there...
And to be honest, I almost cried.
I started off by revisiting the conflict that happened when I was chosen OOC Head. Isn't it amazing how something that happened 2 years ago can still strike a chord in you? I still have such strong feelings about that... a little anger and frustration, but mainly just sadness. Because we lost a total of 5 Sisters due to a stupid squabble.
I miss Elmeara.
I miss Yavanne.
I miss Bhanta.
And as strange as it may seem for me to say it, I miss Kathrina and Kairina.
I don't miss the fights, but I miss the input that was had when lots of people come together to form an Ajah.
Two years later, I still think we are recovering.
Kudos to those who have stuck around... Mari and Zania. Through thick and thin you guys are still here, and I thank you for it. Thank you for supporting me and trying to hold the Reds together when there was a good chance we would have just fallen apart.
I hope that nothing like that ever happens again.
And to help ensure that it won't, I open myself to criticisms, complaints, compliments, or concerns.
I don't want to have an experience like the Whites did. If you have issues with my authority or anything I am doing (or not doing) please let me know. Please let EVERYONE know so we can talk about it.
I refuse to have another breaking. I will do all I can to prevent it, because I think that with all we've gone through, we should be able to work it out. Please help me do so.
Oct 15, 2003
Oh Ceri!!! *huggles*
That was a long time ago, and I know what you mean by the fact that it can still hurt. I showed Adri all our history (the important things), to show her how much we've survived through. The other sisters leaving was no ones fault. Kair and Kathrina had definatly been looking for a reason to leave (Kair wasn't happy, I know that for a fact), and they jumped at the closest negative thing and let their bitterness take over. I don't think that anything will ever happen to us in the ways of fighting, not like the whites. They were a competive ajah, I like to folow. There was a power struggle. Personally, I don't see anyone killing or climbing over each other to knock you off your throne =). I respect you, and I think you are truely an amazing person AND head. You've got a strong personality, and we KNOW that, and its a part of you!! I luff that!
I'm sorry that posting the old boards made you sad, especially on a happy occasion. I am not one to let go of the past =). Its good to learn from it. I am here, behind you ALL the way!
*huggles her reddies*
Oct 16, 2003
I'm kinda glad you posted it. I think I needed to revisit.
And I don't want to think of myself as being on a throne. In fact, I've had the idea in my head for quite awhile that I will eventually step down as Head. When someone else comes along that is dedicated and can spend more time than me devoted to the Reds, I will step down and give the position to them. So far that hasn't happened... but I just want you all to know that it is an option.
Oct 16, 2003
I had no idea that t hings got so ugly with the Red Ajah! I haven't looked at the old boards yet, but obviously from what I read in this post, it was a huge deal and heartbreaking. I'm so glad you guys are still here to tell the tale! the Red Ajah may be small right now but I guess that flatters you guys, since I love to come here and hang out - that must say something good about you all *g*
Ceri I admire your dedication even when the Ajah has been struggling in terms of numbers of members. You're an inspiration! Don't give up!
The other Reds: stick around too! Ceri needs you and DM needs you *g*
The Amyrlin Seat
Oct 17, 2003
You are NOT allowed to quit. Ever. *g* I chose you as Red Ajah Head for a reason. I needed someone who was comitted to running a community, not an RP, someone who was willing to work with me and with everyone else in the Org and someone who was strong. You've proven yourself to be all three, but especially the last. I know there were those who thought I was doing a favor for a friend when I made you Red Head again, but as events proved, it wasn't much of a favor. You have turned the Red Ajah into what it always should have been, a small community for strong, independant women and the men who love to be waxed by them. *g*
You handled yourself with such grace a maturity during all that mess, along with the Reds who stayed with you. I can't imagine anyone else handling all that, and everything else that's happened as well.
Mari is right, the ones who left didn't leave because of you. They left because they were unhappy with DM in general and they took it out on you. They wanted DM to stay the way it was when they joined it, but thats impossible. DM changes every day, in small ways and in big. You can either embrace the changes and stay with us, or do what they did and move on to something else. But don't blame yourself for what happened. They were mad at Jason for DM6 and they were mad at me for embracing it. You were a convinient target for their wrath.
I know you are hard on yourself as an Ajah Head, more than you really should be. It does. not. matter. that you are a small Ajah here. As long as the members of this Ajah truly feel as if they are part of something special, then you are a successful Ajah Head. If you had just one other member, but that member was your best friend, despite living on the other side of the world and speaking another language, and totally not someone you'd ever see yourself being friends with normally, but you love her anyways, THEN you have a successful Ajah. You have wonderful people here, who love the Reds completely for what you've built here. You have two great Aspies, who are lavished with attention every time they post here, and are completely included in the Reds.
Running a community of any size can be a frustrating, heartbreaking experience at times. But it can also be supremely rewarding. There are so many little things that make it worth it. For example, when Mari used to leave me random AIM messages of barnyard animals. I have no idea why, but I loved getting those. Please try to focus more on the good things you've done here than on the bad times that are past, and how much the Reds that are here love you and want you to be their Head.
Oct 18, 2003
Yeah Ceri! No quitty head! No matter what! I don't think that there is anyone that could be as dedicated as you are! I luff you!! I love how we can be so tight! I wouldn't want to be in a mother-big ajah! You don't get to know anyone! But here... I feel welcomed! Whenever I venture over to the other boards, I don't feel like I belong.. but here... I feel I belong. People most likely sterotype this ajah because of whats in the WoT books. I know that I was afraid of the idea of the reds when I first joined DM. Mind you, I think I was 13, and very scareable. Then I met everyone here, and I decided that I luffed it, and I left my aspie greenie shoes and picked up a pair of reds =).
hehe.. my random animal noises eh? Holy god, I am so annoying . I only do it because I luff you though mumsie =).
Oct 18, 2003
wow just going back to that board brought it all back....man well we sure have grown from that so don't ever think of quitting Ceri=)
- Community Bonded to Dojh
Owner of the Red&Silver Glitter Spork
The Red Ajah-
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